Being self-conscious isn’t all bad
A few reasons why being self-conscious leads to self-betterment.
When you think of being self-conscious, you probably think of an uncomfortable feeling. There are too many eyes on you. People are thinking critically of you.
I’ve lived with social anxiety (and that same feeling) all my life. If you know anything about social anxiety, it grossly amplifies your self-conscious tendencies. When I walked into my school lunch room it felt like everyone was watching me.
I felt like I was barely breathing. I was overly aware of how I was moving — and worrying the whole time that thinking too much about it would make me walk unnaturally (and people would definitely notice). If I had to visualize it, it felt something like this:
But this isn’t the only aspect of self-consciousness. By definition, it isn’t a bad thing. Merriam Webster’s initial definition of “self-conscious” is this:
conscious of one’s own acts or states as belonging to or originating in oneself : aware of oneself as an individual
So self-consciousness does not have to be an uncomfortable feeling but rather a feeling of awareness, even understanding, of oneself.
It’s true that being self-conscious is often uncomfortable — because it involves examining yourself. But think about it this way. Things that lead to self-betterment are always uncomfortable. Disciplining yourself to get work done isn’t comfortable: You’d rather be outdoors on the trail, hanging out with your SO or watching Netflix.
Here are a few ways examining those uncomfortable feelings can lead to self-understanding:
Self-consciousness can allow you to examine the ways you interact with the world.
It can make you a nicer, more cautious person. People who are self-aware are more likely to be gauging the reactions and feelings of others. If you care about the way you appear to other people, it would then follow that you might want people to like you.
Of course, this can go both ways. You might try to overcompensate by being callous or rude, in the interest that people won’t see you as weak — in which case your self-conscious tendencies are more than likely causing strain on yourself and those around you.
Either way, realizing those feelings and better understanding them can lead to better things.
Self-consciousness can push you to better yourself.
We care how people see us — it’s a part of living in a civilized society. So when I feel like I’m the most awkward, unintelligent person in the room, I think maybe I should do something to not feel that way.
Put simply, I want to feel better about myself, so I better myself. My coworkers are talking about a news story I’ve never heard of, and I don’t want to be left out of the conversation. So I go look it up. I’m worried that people will think I’m lazy if I show up late. So I get places early. And yes, I often feel self-conscious about my body too. So I eat healthier and exercise more.
Realizing what’s making you feel less-than can help you fill in gaps to make you feel better about yourself in the long run. But again, this is in degrees. Killing yourself over something that’s solely to please others can be unhealthy. That’s why self-awareness is key. Realize why you’re doing it, and make those decisions deliberately.
Self-consciousness can make you more empathetic.
The person you don’t like is reflexive. Biting. Sarcastic. Detached. Sure, maybe they’re unpleasant. But you know what else is unpleasant? How much they remind you of yourself.
If you are self-conscious, you’ll be more aware of the same tendencies in other people.
I’ve caught myself many times whilst passing judgement. One of my self-conscious habits: I throw shady, awkward, uncomfortable glances around the room all the time.
So, if I see a person eyeing me strangely, I try to assume the best. I do the same (unintentionally) when I admire someone’s outfit. Or when I want to be their friend. Or when I’m casually eavesdropping (OK, maybe sometimes creepy.).
Instead of instantly deciding they’re a creep or serial murderer, I recognize that they may be struggling with something too. After all, people probably think the same of me.
Why we think being ‘self-conscious’ is a bad quality
Society likes to point our the negative attributes of self-consciousness. The following list has some surface-level notions of what it can cause:
Here’s a quick quote:
More often than not, this self awareness and consciousness reaches beyond the prescribed level and pays no heed to limits and boundaries.
Some of these can be real effects of being self-conscious. Sometimes we react negatively to those feelings. We don’t want (or know how) to take a square look in the mirror. But taking a deeper, introspective look at yourself leads to understanding.